In Remembrance of Thee

My love you are permanently etched upon the tablet of my heart... Forever imprinted on my inner being, as if there was no start... And as I maneuver through the lanes of daily life... I constantly run into spun webs of reminders, reminding me of the love we have inside....

A splash upon my sandy heel, from the oceans deep... Or the beautiful music from birds singing in perfect harmony... A soft ray of sunlight on chilled skin... An intimate connection like close kin... A closer than brother bond – I call you friend... And in my eyes you win - you're always a ten... The acceleration of my heartbeat, from the gun shot at a track meet... And anytime I'm somewhere people are smiling and laughing... These remind me of you. A relaxing, day with not much to do... Or high adrenaline like skydiving altitudes... The soft caress of warm wind upon my cheek... And the wondrous embrace of a joyful experience... When I'm rockin' out to my own little beat... And when I'm head bangin' cuz I'm totally delirious... The delicious sensation of leaping onto a plush comforter... Or the refreshing submergence into enriching literature... These remind me of you.

You're so soft, and you smell so enticing... I call you my baby... You're so sexy, even when doing something simple like writing... I call you my lady... You're so honest and transparent with me... I never call you shady... And with each moment you clearly show yourself to me... I call you crystal not hazy... You cheer me up when I'm determined to stay down... I call you resilient... You whip me into shape when I've gone too far acting like a clown... I call you militant... You're intentional about being close and not distant... I call you amazing, wonderful, and everything for me that every woman isn't... You stand out from the rest... I call you the best... You actually worship through the tests... I call you blessed... You discern what's really in my mind, trying to get out... I call you perceptive... I give you all my focus, like a high level course... I call you elective... You find me out, when I've done something foolish... I call you detective... And you're there to bring life when dreams die... I call you resurrective... You are always there supporting me... I call you a wave on the sea... You want only the best for me... I call you beloved daughter of The Deity...

In truth, there are no words apt enough to describe the vibrant quality that you bring to life... No verbal expression strong enough, or complicated word long enough... No fancy phrase, or adoring words of praise... No rhythmic rhymes, or even the most romantic stretch of time... All I have is myself... A gift, poorly wrapped, that I humbly offer to you... My love it is your acceptance that adds unto my verbal wealth... And its unconditional quality that causes me to lavish it on you... When you take my hand... And honor me, by allowing me to lose myself in your eyes... I release the soul in my inner man... And allow the full ducts of joy to freely cry...

I love you.

Happy Valentine's Day Darling,
~The Wordsmith

*He's The Man

My God's so big, and my God's so bad...
Soon as He shows up, my spirit gets glad...
That's cuz He embodies extraordinary swag...
And I 'm super proud to be able to call Him dad...
He knows how to make me laugh...
And how to get me silent...
How to show me my trash...
And how to get me to receive guidance...
He places me in the right places...
Like a chessboard figure...
The strategies that run through His head...
Are FAR beyond my ability to figure...
So why do I even bother?...
Cuz I'm a hard headed son...
And just like a loving father...
He doesn't always hesitate to clock me one...
To knock me upside my head, and ask me what the heck I was thinking...
While I confusedly look up at Him, stumbling over my words, like I'd been drinking...
Usually it's in some sin, or stupidity that I'd been sinking...
Like I was in a holiness boat, and my righteousness was leaking...
Then comes the Repairman...
My dad's a jack of all trades...
A regular Reconnaissance Man...
Trumps over all, like the Ace of Spades...
Some call Him Ancient of Days...
Others call Him Worthy of Praise...
Sometimes I get fazed...
And my eyes start to glaze...
When I think of His Ways...
And all the times I've strayed...
But then He clocks me one more time...
Only He can strike and not bruise...
Plus anywhere He touches begin to shine...
And then I'm dispatched on missions more impossible than Tom Cruise...
But it's okay, cuz my dad knows it all...
That's really the whole point behind the quiet altar call...
He knows you and the purpose for your life...
He created it, breathed on it, and shined it with His light...
He wrapped it in your flesh and then dubbed it with your name...
You have been knighted in the spirit, and set on fire by the Son's rays...
My Jesus is truly The Man...
He's the biggest, baddest, strongest, and humblest...
The fastest, most enduring, and oft times loneliest...
Because I have a tendency to forget to ask His opinion...
I sometimes neglect to seek Him first, so I don't wind up sinning...
The Bible says to seek Him in ALL things...
To do all things for His glory...
I like to laugh at the foolishness of the OT kings...
But then I blink, and realized that quite often I re-enact THEIR story...
But my dad is so cool...
That He loves me STILL, even after breaking the rules...
My God is so awesome that He's three in one...
And He's not a Skitz!!!...
He's also perfect and Sovereign...
And got more class than the Ritz...
Well anyway that's all I have to say for now...
I could go on for quite a while...
But I'll save it for another time...
And end this thing with a very non-rhyme...
He's not a Dad/Maker/Savior that's just mine...
He's OURS...
He's The Man.

Listen to the Rain

Open your eyes and let them silently listen to the rain... I know it sounds insane, and some may call it lame, but as I gaze out the window pane, I know my mind understands what my heart is saying. Settle your spirit... Take a deep breath to slow your mind and clear it... Then I guarantee your eyes will hear it... The language with no syllables, no letters, or structure... Simply an understanding akin to the stern look from one's mother... It has no sound, form, inflection or variation... The speech pattern of rain is universal, like the increasing expense of gas at a gas station... I urge you to let your eyes read between the drops... And to allow your mind to begin to unlock... There is a unique feeling that comes over you that differs from that of a sunny day... Which is why I deeply encourage you to let your eyes...

Listen to the rain...

Listen and let it pull you back… Surrender as your mind enters onto the fast track… The rain will speak to you and remind you of your true feelings… The sadness hovering beneath the calm floor everybody walks on, that is secretly your emotional shielding… Delve deeper into your mind, and think of all the things you wish you had somebody to tell… Somebody you could trust fully to care about you more than them self… Remember aches that haven’t quite healed… It’s just you and the rain – it’s okay to be real… Let it stir you deep within – let loose the tears you swore you’d never cry again… The sky weeps on your behalf… Even as its tear drops speak incessantly into your eyes… Like a hypnotist the rain maintains a steady cadence… Accessing all the scattered emotion buried inside…

Listen to the rain…

Thousands of individual drops, dashing the earth as one unit… Try to fine tune this watery platoon, and I promise you can’t do it…Never questioning, never demanding – just simply being… Perfectly synchronized, alternately blindly following, then leading… No personal preference, or defiantly obscene gestures… Obediently travelling their path, like a cowboy out of a western… These drops all contain the potential to cast a rainbow when the light is shined on them… But until then they willfully die, and like snake eyes they are one-to-one with God’s plan for them…

Listen to the rain…

So many warm memories of fireside chats, and a lover’s embrace… Hot chocolate, and a sugary chocolate mustache resting on your face… The warmth of your favorite, thick blanket… Curled up asleep – drooling and shameless… Resting alone on the loveseat… Gazing upon the rain… Going on various roller coaster rides, and elevators through the forgotten memories in your brain… The rain tells a beautiful story of hope and love… A desperate, passionate kiss under the down pour… A knight braving all manner of weather for his soul mate – his dearly beloved… A man searching for that which he knows, but does not yet have… A woman desiring to be wed… Couples happily tumbling around an orange grove… Excitedly speaking to one another in a language that needs not be externally said… Children dancing with the elegance of noble long gone… Mysteries ending without an end, left unsolved…

Listen to the rain...

The greatest happiness, and the most extreme joy... The sexiest body language, and looks that are coy... Let the rain educate you... Show you some things about yourself... Let the rain inside to wash you... Repair some things, like tools on a tool belt... Let the rain whisper... Strain your eyes to hear its silent plea... A longing to be heard... Not simply ignored like the swells on the sea... It has secrets to convey, to the eyes who spend attention as their pay... To the the gaze that hones in like a laser, on the veiled beauty of a rainy day... To a soul that can sympathize with clouds crying sorrows away... The rain has a soft voice that is strong and motivational... But like a pin drop, you can miss it if you only respond to the wildly sensational...

Raise those lids and settle your spirit...
Take a deep breath to slow your mind and clear it...
Then I guarantee your eyes will hear it...

Listen to the Rain…

Eyes on Him

Dear Father God... I know I sometimes (often) take you for granted... And I know I don't always give you the praise and glory you deserve... And I know my heart is not nearly as grateful to you as it should be... But I want to take this time out to sincerely say - Thank you. Thank you for being there...


Lord you were there - when I was a kid and fell down the stairs. You were there - when I guiltily opened my eyes and looked around during prayer. You were there in my past, and you are here in my now. And you completely occupy my future, like milk in a cow. When I was young and more curious, and way closer to pureness... When I snuck back and took that cookie, when neither mom and dad were looking - You were there. When I was groping for you, and struggling to understand who you are. The various times when I gave up, because you seemed to merely watch me from afar. The times when my emotions were broken, and I had to hold it painfully inside. The many days, and nights when all my heart permitted me to do was shudder and cry... You were there. When I fought with my brother, and said hurtful things. When I reacted tyranically, actin' mean - like a bully pushing another kid off a swing. When I decided to do things my way - Lord Jesus you were there. And as my behavior and lessons learned repeated themselves up unto the current moment - You were there.

Jesus... You were there... Like the comfort of a child's stuffed bear. Or a scorching hot comb, used for taming wild hair. Father I thank you for eternal presence, as you taught me so many lessons... Even allowing me to be caused pain, so that in the end I might represent YOUR name, and stand out as I raise the standard, standing alone under life's rain. Ha - I remember heartache, and heartbreak. Cut tongues and tooth aches. Birthdays and ice cream cake. Good or bad, happy or sad, delighted or mad, triumphant or trashed... Lord you were there. When I felt as if I'd lost my Christianity like a kid to a tooth, or a shingle to roof... You were always there to give me a boost to achieve whatever it was I needed to. You caught me when I tripped and fell, and set me right back on my feet... And Jesus you are SO amazing that from time to time you even graced me with wings!! The soaring empowerment of your favor, and the sustaining glide of your joy. Buoyed on with grace and mercy... God - you're the reason I trust in a recession, because in YOUR kingdom I'm NEVER unemployed.

I have my love, my family, and several friends. Friendtors, mentors, and people that will gather around me on my behalf and join hands. And even when I did not have any of that... When I had to go through my seasons of just you and I... You were there. Walking beside me... Pushing me. Cheering for me in the background even when I could neither see nor hear you. Always reaching for this great mind you gave me, and doing your best to infect it with truth. ... What a shame that my natural disposition towards you is a negative reaction... What a shame that I so often treat you like we're in a war and you and I are opposing factions... What a shame that at your touch I instinctively shiver instead of calm, and look around instead of trusting in the power of your palms. Lord I desire to sing to you with songs... Create my own hymns unto you... Not because of all that you've done... But simply because you were THERE. When nobody else was. When nobody else could be. When everyone else was distracted by life, and fighting their own battles with the Enemy. You were there.

And Lord God I thank you for being classic and never changing... Like the continuing wetness when raining... Or the wisdom of proverbial sayings... Or the unending system of chickens and egg laying:-D

I thank you for who you Are... And for always being there... Constant like the North Star... And always keeping an eye on me like a watchful overseer...

And most importantly - I thank you for being HERE. Right now. In spite of the rainy clouds. In spite of several of my doubts. In spite of any demonic strongholds were Satan may have some clout... You are the Alpha and Omega... And You. Are. HERE.

Up-To-Date

This has been a long time coming...
I've spent a long time running...
Ducking, dodging, and chasing...
Feeling like I'm coming up with nothing...
I've been forgotten and misviewed...
Loved with love misconstrued...
Given the dark side of your attitude...
And under constant assault to let loose, and lose my cool...
And truthfully I've broken...
Sometimes I let out...
Most of my reactions were internal...
But quite a few made a show somehow...
My fam is my fam, and protected by the Lamb...
We claim to seek the I Am but we act like the Klan...
I honestly don't know what to do, when I'm forcefed mouthfuls of rude...
And everything in me is saying to use my tools, and break the rules...
Punch you in your face, and then call you a fool...
But that's not the way, and that deranged violence isn't even me...
But oh how I fantasize, if just for one day, I could act out the insanity portrayed on TV...
I've been gift given, and gift snatched...
So randomly that I wonder if there's a point in asking for it back...
I've cried tears of silence never made visible...
But that means nothing - judging my sorrow by external tears isn't even sensible...
People have given advice, and walked in and out of my life...
Adding, ignoring, or just not noticing...
That all around me is some kind choke inducing strife...
I'm choking on my life, and all of my situations...
Burdened with the charge to go out and take the Gospel to the nation...
It is the great commission, and not the great suggestion...
Which means if I live my life independent of that, then I've lived my life for nothing...
I've been deep in love, and kicked all the way back to the surface...
My passionate love has led me so many times through the furnace, that even I questioned what was the purpose...
How can you fall in love, and love fail?...
That's like a good, law abiding citizen being sentenced, and going to jail...
Or a Bible abiding Christian being falsely accused and sent to hell...
Perhaps that is why I remain in love now...
Love never fails, which means if you're IN love you should never bail...
You need to remain in it like a turtle in a shell, and maybe slow up your pace like the infinitely patient snail...
I've had discussions, and depressions...
Misunderstanding, and hard earned lessons...
With some of my friends I've reconnected...
Hopefully to help me out, next time I'm feeling wretched...
My best friend has left...
And that ripped a hole in my heart...
Why is it that you can never see how close you really are...
Until you are forcefully separated and physically apart?...
My living situation has changed a few times...
Even got me committing minor fence hopping crimes...
I'm struggling to look up...
But my eyes reach horizon level just in time for me to duck...
In my mind I'm like "aw shucks"...
Why MUST my life be as such?...
However there have been positives...
And if I look closely I can see the prerogatives...
I do have a financial seat...
And a car with an accelerator and brakes to press with my feet...
I had the joy and privilege of being in an amazing wedding...
I wore my first tux, saw a first kiss, and was completely blown away by the intimacy of their beautiful, and - heartfelt marriage promises...
I have been with several of my adopted older sisters...
And I'm so grateful to have them around...
It's good to have someone understand you ya know?...
And always know how to be a strong force for you whether left, right, up, or down...
I even got a couple adopted older brothers back...
Man I can't even tell you how I feel about that!...
I wish school was out so we could have more time to chat...
More time to hang, and talk, and bounce ideas off each other like a hand on a fat man's back...
I have been with my birth sisters, and my are they growing...
In fact the older one is now so old that she has (yuck) baby tata's showing...
They're both playing sports, and not yet tryna wear booty shorts...
They stayin' away from them boys, and they love me a bunch which leaves me overjoyed...
My bro is the biz, the shiz, the niz, and a technical wiz...
We are close in our own way, and I can see the day when we'll be very close all the way...
My mom and I are back on those p's and q's...
Loving, bickering, interacting the way we supposed to do...
I love her to death.
My lady is amazing, but for some reason something between us is always breaking...
Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be...
That's what happens in relationship relating...
However we get along, and one day we'll make up a song...
We can fool around, mess around, and just chill in love sometimes without makin a sound...
We can co-operate, elaborate, and are learning what it means to have space...
And I'm very pleased to say, that we're no longer trying to save face, rather we're putting it all out there, like somebody's business on myspace...
I'm involved on my college campus...
A proponent of the Red Revolution...
We're dipping ourselves in His blood and leaving the place stamped with us...
When we're done it's gonna be a JESUS institution...
My own perspective is expanding...
My creativity now headed skyward instead of attempting a landing...
My internal eyes are being refocused on my Lord, and I try to include Him more in planning...
And my spiritual growth is again on the rise - a response to His patient and loving reprimanding...
My fingers fly across the keys and type...
I'm again exposing the hidden sentiment buried in my mind...
I can no longer contain the power or the light within...
For when I do - Satan finds a way to twist it, and turn it into sin...
I've got songs to write, demons to fight, albums to produce, and souls to light...
I've got talents to expose, visible talents to grow, and I need to unleash it and let fall upon the world like snow...
The King is on a mission, and so am I...
His mission is to execute His will in me - and mine is to accept it before I die...
Even as I pursue Him, I am being pursued...
And the Enemy behind - although subtle and shrewed - is ultimately destined, and designed to lose...

So how am I now?...
I feel like a water droplet in a cloud...
Surrounded by so many others with a specific call...
Sharing the same destiny to fall...
To make an impact on the earth...
To be absorbed into the dirt...
For if the dirt does not accept the water...
It will crumble away...
The Master may have to dig a little farther...
But eventually He will expose the dirt ready for the rain...
And after the water has completed its task and fulfilled its purpose over there...
The Sun comes out and evaporates it right back into the atmosphere...
It undergoes changes, and manipulations, and visits several different places...
All the while being prepared to be unleashed upon the next needy dirt, like a smile upon faces...

So that is me...
This is me...
Currently...
Still alive and breathing...
Striving and seeing...
Falling...
Kneeling...
Trying...
Healing...
Receiving...
Giving...
Trusting (I am - really)...
Living...

All because of JC.


And now you are up to date... ;-)

Finally - Begun, the Star Wars parallels have.

Nobody thinks about Luke Skywalker in the full context. He is always the son of the chosen one. A twin. Hero of the rebellion. The one who brought balance to the Force. A Jedi Knight. A pilot.

Those were all titles that he wore.

But who – what – was Luke Skywalker really?

Pain.

Luke’s life was all about the painful cards he was dealt, and the honor with which he tried to play them. He was all about his principles, but life kept cracking him upside his head.

His uncle broke his promise, and was gonna make him stay another year on that farm. At the age of nineteen he had the mispleasure of seeing the burned remains of his aunt and uncle – who had raised him from birth. Then he had to go out and save the princess, but the pilot was some unbelieving guy who kept bashing his faith. At every point during the flight, all that he thinks he knows is proven to be useless and shallow. Once they make up a brilliant plan, the princess’ first comment is an insult to him. All he was trying to do was do the right thing. Then his mentor gets cut down before his very eyes. AND he’s helpless to do anything after the fact. Sure in the end he blows up the death star, but only to discover that there’s another one being made, that’s almost done. And on, and on, and on until the big one which is that the greatest evil that the galaxy has ever known is none other than – his father.

But he played his cards brilliantly. Honorably. Kept his eyes focused on the greater good. No matter what. Willing to sacrifice himself to save those he loved. Willing to sacrifice himself to save those who needed saving. His whole initial purpose behind studying to be a Jedi was to right wrongs, and bring justice. Something that Anakin, in all his zeal, failed to do. But – he did it. He never let his still somewhat shortsighted mentors get in the way. He didn’t let the loss of his friends and his hand, and his pride to Vader deter him. He even didn’t let the fact that he wasn’t a wizened Master like Kenobi or Yoda stop him. He just did the most with all he had.

The only one thing to ever get in his way – was himself. His doubts. His fears. At times – his inabilities. But as long as he kept his head up, striving for all he was worth to see that greater good and pull it down to reality, he continued to succeed no matter how many fails or snares it took to get there. In fact – this tendency caused the Enemy himself to seek him out personally to crush his hope. That’s all Palpatine wanted to do. Fighting was secondary. A product of the real plan. “Your pitiful rebellion has been defeated. I’m afraid the battle station will be quite operational.” He was attempting to crush Luke’s hope. To crush the essential part of Luke that kept him looking up – in order to get him to look around. As long as Luke looked up, he saw a better existence that he constantly struggled to bring down to reality. Which meant he played by rules not bound by this world, or the snares of evil. When Palpatine finally got him to snap and take a strike at him, it was because he “forcefully” flung the so-called failures of Luke’s surroundings right in his face. (similar to Peter walkin’ on water) And Luke – looked. Once he did that – he sank into the anger of the dark side. Into the snare, the quicksand of this existence. Only when he looked back up did his light once again emerge, and he was able to operate in freedom and hope.

Who's your roomie?!

I recently heard a quote on one of my favorite shows that got me to thinking. The show is House, starring Hugh Laurie. He's such a jerk - Gosh I love that show.........

"That's what life is. It is a series of rooms. And who we get stuck in those rooms with adds up to who we are."

I've been thinking on this for a while, and I think it's true. Taking rooms to be - situations. Encounters. Every interaction with another person is being stuck in a room with them. And whatever happens in that room adds, takes away, or otherwise alters (however slightly or dramatically) who you are.

My current analogy for this is Love Languages. Prior til a couple weeks ago, I had no idea they existed. I found out during prayer (surprise). Part of what we were supposed to do was meld division in the body amongst the leaders by going to speak with anybody we had any kind of issue with. I had an issue with one of my sisters. Kind of. Even now, I'm not sure if it's legit. Whatever. Anyway - my deal was that I sometimes had trouble remembering that she loved me, even though in my head I knew she did. I wasn't blaming her or anything like that mind you. And I couldn't even tell her specific times, or a pattern of when I felt like that. All I knew is that this didn't bother me when we were being jerks to each other (lol) and that it was only blindingly clear when I was already having a lousy day. She then proceeded to tell me that maybe my love language was different.

That piqued my interest.

She explained that there were five love languages (I don't know if these are the only ones): Gifts (giving/receiving), Service (self explanatory), Physical Contact (self explanatory), Verbal Affirmation (positive encouragement/reinforcement), and Quality Time (self explanatory). Based on that selection, I told her that it was probably sincere Verbal Affirmation. Like - me believing it. Of course my believing it is my personal problem....... Anyway - that got me to thinking. Why was that? Why did I actually, genuinely need verbal confirmation?

Rooms.

As a kid, the rooms I was stuck in with my father were not affirming to say the least. They were - pushing. Always to do the next best thing. See the next best objective. See the better solution.
The rooms I was stuck in with my brother were definitely not affirming. I was the big brother. I had to be verbally affirming to HIM. And to my sisters when they came along...... When I was fifteen and started going to PCC....... Very little verbal affirmation.

Maybe my mom, and a little from my dad - but the main thing was pushing. Stretching. Succeeding. All good things... just not the..... right affirmation.

There was one lady at PCC (who gave me my first job there) that OVERFLOWED with verbal affirmation. And with her, I felt like I could take on the world. At church? Please. Everybody knew my mother, and everybody knew how helpful I was. Freakin' OVERFLOWING with verbal affirmation.
Rooms.

But - there are other rooms. Like - the ones in my mind. The ones in where I talk myself down. The ones in where I explain to myself my complete and total worthlessness or uselessness based in insecurities or the - ah - results from an experience in another room. I think many people do this. We lose sight. And I'm not gonna be long or deep on this. We lose sight. We go into these rooms and encounter whatever it is that is behind the door. And we lump our total life around the consequences (whether good or bad) around that one room. When really - it's the series of rooms that we pass through during life that give accurate definition of self.

And I say definition in a loose sense. These rooms are - lenses. They help us see who we really are. And once we see that, then we can define ourselves. So - in a sense the rooms define us (just thought I'd clean that up). It's the series of rooms. It just occurred to me that it's the same way with God. When we first get saved. Room. When we first speak in tongues. Room. When we first engage in true praise and worship. ROOM. But - we can walk away after that and never look back. That's because the room is not it. It's important - but it's not the whole picture. Combine them. The room where you get saved. Transitions into the room in where you experience true praise and worship. Which transitions into the room where you speak in tongues.

In a sense, one could say that each room you enter is preparing you for the room you're about to be shifted into. Hmmmmmmm..... Anyway - rooms. They add up. The series of rooms adds up to who you are, because they expose your true nature.

Which makes me cautious and convservative about who I share a room with under what conditions. Who's in the room with me? My friends - this puts them in a whole new light. Are they maximizing the power of this room over my life for me? Is this girl I like REALLY roommate worthy? Do these television shows deserve to be playing in this room? Heck - is this room supposed to be dedicated to prayer???? This suggests that not only do these rooms add up to who I am but - each room has an intended purpose (tying back in to what I said earlier about them preparing you for the next room). So - what's the purpose of the room you're in? Are you in an evangelical room? Quit lookin' for a mate!! Are you in a prayer room? Quit trying to win with your abilities! Are you in a war room? Quit tryin to slow the show and FIGHT negro!! Do you get me? I'm speakin as loud to me as I am to anybody reading this. Is this room a work room? Quit trying to hang? Is this room a dating room? Quit trying to "spread your net." It goes on and on.

Each room shapes you.
Each room is built upon the principles of the room prior.
The series of rooms adds up to who you are.
And eventually the series of series of rooms adds up to more of who you are.
It's a cycle. Each room serving a purpose, with particular roommates who also serve a particular purpose.

Take it for what it is. It's not deep. It's just something I recognized, and felt like sharing.

Hasta!!!!!