Eyes on Him

Dear Father God... I know I sometimes (often) take you for granted... And I know I don't always give you the praise and glory you deserve... And I know my heart is not nearly as grateful to you as it should be... But I want to take this time out to sincerely say - Thank you. Thank you for being there...


Lord you were there - when I was a kid and fell down the stairs. You were there - when I guiltily opened my eyes and looked around during prayer. You were there in my past, and you are here in my now. And you completely occupy my future, like milk in a cow. When I was young and more curious, and way closer to pureness... When I snuck back and took that cookie, when neither mom and dad were looking - You were there. When I was groping for you, and struggling to understand who you are. The various times when I gave up, because you seemed to merely watch me from afar. The times when my emotions were broken, and I had to hold it painfully inside. The many days, and nights when all my heart permitted me to do was shudder and cry... You were there. When I fought with my brother, and said hurtful things. When I reacted tyranically, actin' mean - like a bully pushing another kid off a swing. When I decided to do things my way - Lord Jesus you were there. And as my behavior and lessons learned repeated themselves up unto the current moment - You were there.

Jesus... You were there... Like the comfort of a child's stuffed bear. Or a scorching hot comb, used for taming wild hair. Father I thank you for eternal presence, as you taught me so many lessons... Even allowing me to be caused pain, so that in the end I might represent YOUR name, and stand out as I raise the standard, standing alone under life's rain. Ha - I remember heartache, and heartbreak. Cut tongues and tooth aches. Birthdays and ice cream cake. Good or bad, happy or sad, delighted or mad, triumphant or trashed... Lord you were there. When I felt as if I'd lost my Christianity like a kid to a tooth, or a shingle to roof... You were always there to give me a boost to achieve whatever it was I needed to. You caught me when I tripped and fell, and set me right back on my feet... And Jesus you are SO amazing that from time to time you even graced me with wings!! The soaring empowerment of your favor, and the sustaining glide of your joy. Buoyed on with grace and mercy... God - you're the reason I trust in a recession, because in YOUR kingdom I'm NEVER unemployed.

I have my love, my family, and several friends. Friendtors, mentors, and people that will gather around me on my behalf and join hands. And even when I did not have any of that... When I had to go through my seasons of just you and I... You were there. Walking beside me... Pushing me. Cheering for me in the background even when I could neither see nor hear you. Always reaching for this great mind you gave me, and doing your best to infect it with truth. ... What a shame that my natural disposition towards you is a negative reaction... What a shame that I so often treat you like we're in a war and you and I are opposing factions... What a shame that at your touch I instinctively shiver instead of calm, and look around instead of trusting in the power of your palms. Lord I desire to sing to you with songs... Create my own hymns unto you... Not because of all that you've done... But simply because you were THERE. When nobody else was. When nobody else could be. When everyone else was distracted by life, and fighting their own battles with the Enemy. You were there.

And Lord God I thank you for being classic and never changing... Like the continuing wetness when raining... Or the wisdom of proverbial sayings... Or the unending system of chickens and egg laying:-D

I thank you for who you Are... And for always being there... Constant like the North Star... And always keeping an eye on me like a watchful overseer...

And most importantly - I thank you for being HERE. Right now. In spite of the rainy clouds. In spite of several of my doubts. In spite of any demonic strongholds were Satan may have some clout... You are the Alpha and Omega... And You. Are. HERE.

Up-To-Date

This has been a long time coming...
I've spent a long time running...
Ducking, dodging, and chasing...
Feeling like I'm coming up with nothing...
I've been forgotten and misviewed...
Loved with love misconstrued...
Given the dark side of your attitude...
And under constant assault to let loose, and lose my cool...
And truthfully I've broken...
Sometimes I let out...
Most of my reactions were internal...
But quite a few made a show somehow...
My fam is my fam, and protected by the Lamb...
We claim to seek the I Am but we act like the Klan...
I honestly don't know what to do, when I'm forcefed mouthfuls of rude...
And everything in me is saying to use my tools, and break the rules...
Punch you in your face, and then call you a fool...
But that's not the way, and that deranged violence isn't even me...
But oh how I fantasize, if just for one day, I could act out the insanity portrayed on TV...
I've been gift given, and gift snatched...
So randomly that I wonder if there's a point in asking for it back...
I've cried tears of silence never made visible...
But that means nothing - judging my sorrow by external tears isn't even sensible...
People have given advice, and walked in and out of my life...
Adding, ignoring, or just not noticing...
That all around me is some kind choke inducing strife...
I'm choking on my life, and all of my situations...
Burdened with the charge to go out and take the Gospel to the nation...
It is the great commission, and not the great suggestion...
Which means if I live my life independent of that, then I've lived my life for nothing...
I've been deep in love, and kicked all the way back to the surface...
My passionate love has led me so many times through the furnace, that even I questioned what was the purpose...
How can you fall in love, and love fail?...
That's like a good, law abiding citizen being sentenced, and going to jail...
Or a Bible abiding Christian being falsely accused and sent to hell...
Perhaps that is why I remain in love now...
Love never fails, which means if you're IN love you should never bail...
You need to remain in it like a turtle in a shell, and maybe slow up your pace like the infinitely patient snail...
I've had discussions, and depressions...
Misunderstanding, and hard earned lessons...
With some of my friends I've reconnected...
Hopefully to help me out, next time I'm feeling wretched...
My best friend has left...
And that ripped a hole in my heart...
Why is it that you can never see how close you really are...
Until you are forcefully separated and physically apart?...
My living situation has changed a few times...
Even got me committing minor fence hopping crimes...
I'm struggling to look up...
But my eyes reach horizon level just in time for me to duck...
In my mind I'm like "aw shucks"...
Why MUST my life be as such?...
However there have been positives...
And if I look closely I can see the prerogatives...
I do have a financial seat...
And a car with an accelerator and brakes to press with my feet...
I had the joy and privilege of being in an amazing wedding...
I wore my first tux, saw a first kiss, and was completely blown away by the intimacy of their beautiful, and - heartfelt marriage promises...
I have been with several of my adopted older sisters...
And I'm so grateful to have them around...
It's good to have someone understand you ya know?...
And always know how to be a strong force for you whether left, right, up, or down...
I even got a couple adopted older brothers back...
Man I can't even tell you how I feel about that!...
I wish school was out so we could have more time to chat...
More time to hang, and talk, and bounce ideas off each other like a hand on a fat man's back...
I have been with my birth sisters, and my are they growing...
In fact the older one is now so old that she has (yuck) baby tata's showing...
They're both playing sports, and not yet tryna wear booty shorts...
They stayin' away from them boys, and they love me a bunch which leaves me overjoyed...
My bro is the biz, the shiz, the niz, and a technical wiz...
We are close in our own way, and I can see the day when we'll be very close all the way...
My mom and I are back on those p's and q's...
Loving, bickering, interacting the way we supposed to do...
I love her to death.
My lady is amazing, but for some reason something between us is always breaking...
Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be...
That's what happens in relationship relating...
However we get along, and one day we'll make up a song...
We can fool around, mess around, and just chill in love sometimes without makin a sound...
We can co-operate, elaborate, and are learning what it means to have space...
And I'm very pleased to say, that we're no longer trying to save face, rather we're putting it all out there, like somebody's business on myspace...
I'm involved on my college campus...
A proponent of the Red Revolution...
We're dipping ourselves in His blood and leaving the place stamped with us...
When we're done it's gonna be a JESUS institution...
My own perspective is expanding...
My creativity now headed skyward instead of attempting a landing...
My internal eyes are being refocused on my Lord, and I try to include Him more in planning...
And my spiritual growth is again on the rise - a response to His patient and loving reprimanding...
My fingers fly across the keys and type...
I'm again exposing the hidden sentiment buried in my mind...
I can no longer contain the power or the light within...
For when I do - Satan finds a way to twist it, and turn it into sin...
I've got songs to write, demons to fight, albums to produce, and souls to light...
I've got talents to expose, visible talents to grow, and I need to unleash it and let fall upon the world like snow...
The King is on a mission, and so am I...
His mission is to execute His will in me - and mine is to accept it before I die...
Even as I pursue Him, I am being pursued...
And the Enemy behind - although subtle and shrewed - is ultimately destined, and designed to lose...

So how am I now?...
I feel like a water droplet in a cloud...
Surrounded by so many others with a specific call...
Sharing the same destiny to fall...
To make an impact on the earth...
To be absorbed into the dirt...
For if the dirt does not accept the water...
It will crumble away...
The Master may have to dig a little farther...
But eventually He will expose the dirt ready for the rain...
And after the water has completed its task and fulfilled its purpose over there...
The Sun comes out and evaporates it right back into the atmosphere...
It undergoes changes, and manipulations, and visits several different places...
All the while being prepared to be unleashed upon the next needy dirt, like a smile upon faces...

So that is me...
This is me...
Currently...
Still alive and breathing...
Striving and seeing...
Falling...
Kneeling...
Trying...
Healing...
Receiving...
Giving...
Trusting (I am - really)...
Living...

All because of JC.


And now you are up to date... ;-)

Finally - Begun, the Star Wars parallels have.

Nobody thinks about Luke Skywalker in the full context. He is always the son of the chosen one. A twin. Hero of the rebellion. The one who brought balance to the Force. A Jedi Knight. A pilot.

Those were all titles that he wore.

But who – what – was Luke Skywalker really?

Pain.

Luke’s life was all about the painful cards he was dealt, and the honor with which he tried to play them. He was all about his principles, but life kept cracking him upside his head.

His uncle broke his promise, and was gonna make him stay another year on that farm. At the age of nineteen he had the mispleasure of seeing the burned remains of his aunt and uncle – who had raised him from birth. Then he had to go out and save the princess, but the pilot was some unbelieving guy who kept bashing his faith. At every point during the flight, all that he thinks he knows is proven to be useless and shallow. Once they make up a brilliant plan, the princess’ first comment is an insult to him. All he was trying to do was do the right thing. Then his mentor gets cut down before his very eyes. AND he’s helpless to do anything after the fact. Sure in the end he blows up the death star, but only to discover that there’s another one being made, that’s almost done. And on, and on, and on until the big one which is that the greatest evil that the galaxy has ever known is none other than – his father.

But he played his cards brilliantly. Honorably. Kept his eyes focused on the greater good. No matter what. Willing to sacrifice himself to save those he loved. Willing to sacrifice himself to save those who needed saving. His whole initial purpose behind studying to be a Jedi was to right wrongs, and bring justice. Something that Anakin, in all his zeal, failed to do. But – he did it. He never let his still somewhat shortsighted mentors get in the way. He didn’t let the loss of his friends and his hand, and his pride to Vader deter him. He even didn’t let the fact that he wasn’t a wizened Master like Kenobi or Yoda stop him. He just did the most with all he had.

The only one thing to ever get in his way – was himself. His doubts. His fears. At times – his inabilities. But as long as he kept his head up, striving for all he was worth to see that greater good and pull it down to reality, he continued to succeed no matter how many fails or snares it took to get there. In fact – this tendency caused the Enemy himself to seek him out personally to crush his hope. That’s all Palpatine wanted to do. Fighting was secondary. A product of the real plan. “Your pitiful rebellion has been defeated. I’m afraid the battle station will be quite operational.” He was attempting to crush Luke’s hope. To crush the essential part of Luke that kept him looking up – in order to get him to look around. As long as Luke looked up, he saw a better existence that he constantly struggled to bring down to reality. Which meant he played by rules not bound by this world, or the snares of evil. When Palpatine finally got him to snap and take a strike at him, it was because he “forcefully” flung the so-called failures of Luke’s surroundings right in his face. (similar to Peter walkin’ on water) And Luke – looked. Once he did that – he sank into the anger of the dark side. Into the snare, the quicksand of this existence. Only when he looked back up did his light once again emerge, and he was able to operate in freedom and hope.

Who's your roomie?!

I recently heard a quote on one of my favorite shows that got me to thinking. The show is House, starring Hugh Laurie. He's such a jerk - Gosh I love that show.........

"That's what life is. It is a series of rooms. And who we get stuck in those rooms with adds up to who we are."

I've been thinking on this for a while, and I think it's true. Taking rooms to be - situations. Encounters. Every interaction with another person is being stuck in a room with them. And whatever happens in that room adds, takes away, or otherwise alters (however slightly or dramatically) who you are.

My current analogy for this is Love Languages. Prior til a couple weeks ago, I had no idea they existed. I found out during prayer (surprise). Part of what we were supposed to do was meld division in the body amongst the leaders by going to speak with anybody we had any kind of issue with. I had an issue with one of my sisters. Kind of. Even now, I'm not sure if it's legit. Whatever. Anyway - my deal was that I sometimes had trouble remembering that she loved me, even though in my head I knew she did. I wasn't blaming her or anything like that mind you. And I couldn't even tell her specific times, or a pattern of when I felt like that. All I knew is that this didn't bother me when we were being jerks to each other (lol) and that it was only blindingly clear when I was already having a lousy day. She then proceeded to tell me that maybe my love language was different.

That piqued my interest.

She explained that there were five love languages (I don't know if these are the only ones): Gifts (giving/receiving), Service (self explanatory), Physical Contact (self explanatory), Verbal Affirmation (positive encouragement/reinforcement), and Quality Time (self explanatory). Based on that selection, I told her that it was probably sincere Verbal Affirmation. Like - me believing it. Of course my believing it is my personal problem....... Anyway - that got me to thinking. Why was that? Why did I actually, genuinely need verbal confirmation?

Rooms.

As a kid, the rooms I was stuck in with my father were not affirming to say the least. They were - pushing. Always to do the next best thing. See the next best objective. See the better solution.
The rooms I was stuck in with my brother were definitely not affirming. I was the big brother. I had to be verbally affirming to HIM. And to my sisters when they came along...... When I was fifteen and started going to PCC....... Very little verbal affirmation.

Maybe my mom, and a little from my dad - but the main thing was pushing. Stretching. Succeeding. All good things... just not the..... right affirmation.

There was one lady at PCC (who gave me my first job there) that OVERFLOWED with verbal affirmation. And with her, I felt like I could take on the world. At church? Please. Everybody knew my mother, and everybody knew how helpful I was. Freakin' OVERFLOWING with verbal affirmation.
Rooms.

But - there are other rooms. Like - the ones in my mind. The ones in where I talk myself down. The ones in where I explain to myself my complete and total worthlessness or uselessness based in insecurities or the - ah - results from an experience in another room. I think many people do this. We lose sight. And I'm not gonna be long or deep on this. We lose sight. We go into these rooms and encounter whatever it is that is behind the door. And we lump our total life around the consequences (whether good or bad) around that one room. When really - it's the series of rooms that we pass through during life that give accurate definition of self.

And I say definition in a loose sense. These rooms are - lenses. They help us see who we really are. And once we see that, then we can define ourselves. So - in a sense the rooms define us (just thought I'd clean that up). It's the series of rooms. It just occurred to me that it's the same way with God. When we first get saved. Room. When we first speak in tongues. Room. When we first engage in true praise and worship. ROOM. But - we can walk away after that and never look back. That's because the room is not it. It's important - but it's not the whole picture. Combine them. The room where you get saved. Transitions into the room in where you experience true praise and worship. Which transitions into the room where you speak in tongues.

In a sense, one could say that each room you enter is preparing you for the room you're about to be shifted into. Hmmmmmmm..... Anyway - rooms. They add up. The series of rooms adds up to who you are, because they expose your true nature.

Which makes me cautious and convservative about who I share a room with under what conditions. Who's in the room with me? My friends - this puts them in a whole new light. Are they maximizing the power of this room over my life for me? Is this girl I like REALLY roommate worthy? Do these television shows deserve to be playing in this room? Heck - is this room supposed to be dedicated to prayer???? This suggests that not only do these rooms add up to who I am but - each room has an intended purpose (tying back in to what I said earlier about them preparing you for the next room). So - what's the purpose of the room you're in? Are you in an evangelical room? Quit lookin' for a mate!! Are you in a prayer room? Quit trying to win with your abilities! Are you in a war room? Quit tryin to slow the show and FIGHT negro!! Do you get me? I'm speakin as loud to me as I am to anybody reading this. Is this room a work room? Quit trying to hang? Is this room a dating room? Quit trying to "spread your net." It goes on and on.

Each room shapes you.
Each room is built upon the principles of the room prior.
The series of rooms adds up to who you are.
And eventually the series of series of rooms adds up to more of who you are.
It's a cycle. Each room serving a purpose, with particular roommates who also serve a particular purpose.

Take it for what it is. It's not deep. It's just something I recognized, and felt like sharing.

Hasta!!!!!

Kingdom Swagger

Okay so this was all one long blog, but I broke it up into two different ones because it was just too long. lol And also because although they are connected, they are somehow very different. I leave you to decide the differences.....

After I wrote the first part I began wondering about Christianity..... Where is our swagger? God is on OUR side! And God holds the power of the world in His hands. Greater is He that's in us, than he that's in the world. No weapon formed against us shall prosper. Where is our swagger?

When we praise God, we halt the advance of the enemy. When we pray we affect changes in the supernatural realm. God's NEW mercy greets us every morning. And His grace pursues us. Where is our swagger?

Philipians 1:6 says: "...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." That means that He's constantly developing us! Even as we mess up.... Even as we try to follow His Will..... Even when we have no intention of following His Will..... Even when we repent and come back to Him..... Where is our swagger?

On our school campuses. On our jobs. With our roommates. Heck, just walking to your car (or - bus stop)!! You hear people cussin, and gettin down with their sin swag. You see half naked people boldly gettin' down with their lust swag. You see people just living, gettin down with their fake reality swag. The most recent one was Prop 8 where TONS of people BOLDLY got down with their sexual crossfire swag.... And tried to take the country with them! THAT stirred people. Christians, and non-Christians alike. But - although that was good, and praise God that we won this time..... Why did it come to that before the Christians were open? Before the Christians were bold? Before the Christians abandoned the "nice" terminology? Where in God's Creation is our swagger?

Not being fully unashamed of who we are. Keeping our Christian status on the low, not as a tactic to infiltrate particular people's lives and THEN reveal who we are, but just cuz it's comfortable. Believing the lie that either you're a quiet Christian or a brow beating Christian. Is our God not a God of balance? Is He not both the Lion AND the Lamb? The Grace Giver AND the Judge? The fork in your road - one choice leading to Heaven and the other choice leading to Hell? Where is our swagger?

We are ROYALTY. Friends of God. Children of God. What Prince or Princess of a vast nation walks around as anything less than who he/she is? Dialing your status down or altering it for ministry's sake only works if you recognize who you are. Then you can dial down and do what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 9:22 - "I have become all things to all men, so that by all means possible I might save some." Paul probably had the most swag out of anyone in the whole New Testament (excepting Jesus of course - lol). He learned to be content with much and with little. He talked with kings and with beggars. Taught Jews and Gentiles. NEVER ABANDONING WHO HE WAS. Swag. Paul had that Kingdom Swagger we all need to emulate. And only emulate that as a model to discovering and developing our own individual measure of Kingdom Swagger that is in each of us.

C'mon people. Christians. Where's our swagger? Non-Christians - be bold enough to approach Christianity with your own thoughts and logic. Your own swagger. No one elses.

Cuz you know what matters in the end?

What will give us that "stuff" that the Bible heroes had?

You know what will take our pursuit of Christ to the next level?

Kingdom Swagger.

And Kingdom Swagger can only be achieved through rebelling against the "norm" of the world. Of the "norm" of a stagnant, Christian life. Where's our swagger?


"Jesus was a rebel, a renegade, outlaw/ A sanctified troublemaker but He never sinned, naw/ And He lived His life by a different set of Rules/ The culture ain't approve/So you know they had they had to bruise em/ That's the way they do/ Man, they swear they so gangsta but everyones the same/ Everybody do the same stuff/ Tattoos, piercing/ Smokin' up and drinking/ Money and sex plus them extravagant weekends/"

~ Lecrae - Rebel, "Rebel Intro"

"Hung on the cross for hours while still in his prime/ We don't call him heir for nothing, he showing us hang time/ He is holy, he is perfect, he is God/ God is like three in one, man its so odd/ Because of all this, your boy gotta keep running/ 99 wont do it gotta keep it 100/"

~Sho Baraka - Turn My Life Up, "100"

I'll do me. You do you.

Okay so this is a topic I've been dying to write about. The thoughts about it have been in my mind for a while, but I've really been wanting to put it down on paper (using that word loosely - lol)

Swagger. Such a complicated word.

But let me tell you where it all began.........


As you guys know, a couple months ago I was in a dance for my church. We danced to the song Victory by Ty Tribbett. However - prior to the dance (kind of a segway so that the audience could grasp the full concept of what we were doing) we did a skit. Now - oddly enough the character that I was asked to portray I actually had difficulty with. I was supposed to be a hood rat. A gangster. Gangsters don't really smile. So - of course that was my constant inclination. I had to put myself in a mindstate of anger to get by and do it properly...... Anyway - my name was Traffik. My bro was Ego (which got changed to Hollywood when we did it a second time). The other guy was Baby-T. And the two girls where Erin and Holly (from the movie ATL). I didn't know where they had gotten the name Traffik from. All the others make sense if you know us. My bro is definitely Hollywood. The girls fit the Erin/Holly profile. And Baby-T is a derivative of Traffik. I just didn't understand the name. They said "Cuz when you walk in, traffic stops." I had the concept after that. I reworded it to "Traffic stops (conversations slow, heads turn, people's focus is shifted) when I walk in the room."

Okay so I had a workable name. But a name is only half the battle. I still had to BE Traffik. He's a state of mind, and somewhat a lifestyle. I didn't know it then, but I was looking for swag. That natural cockiness that some people have, and others emulate. I could talk it, but I always burst out laughing or smiling, or otherwise betraying the nature of the character. So it was about this time that T.I. came into my life. I'm sure EVERYBODY knows that T.I. is the King (get it? :p) of swag. And it's very real. He's not faking. I had the good fortune to come in at the most recent stage of his life. Where he's really trying to get it together (somewhat). I'm prayin the jail time drives him all the way to God........ :-) Anyway, the first song I heard was "No Matter What." The first verse goes:

"Hey never have you seen your lifetime/ A more divine southern rapper with a swagger like mine/ Facin all kinda time, but smile like I'm fine/ Brag with such passion, and shine without tryin/ Believe me, pain's a small thang to a giant/ I was born without a dime/ Out the gutter I climbed/ Spoke my mind and didn't stutter one time/ Ali say even the greatest gotta suffer sometimes/"

I loved that song. I still do. But that was my initiation to authentic swagger. I didn't know what to do with it at first. It was bold. It was kinda cocky. It's very - out there with who you are. I wasn't ready for all that, yet that's what I was looking for (still hadn't recognized it yet). So that was about three-four months before we danced. About a month to a month and a half before we did the dance, the idea of swag began to haunt me. What is it? How do I quantify it? How do I find my OWN? Is anybody's swag greater than anybody else's? I listened to a little more T.I. "Whatever You Like" was his next big one. Very good example of outstanding confidence in oneself. I then looked into a few of his other songs.... My picture was forming. I listened to songs on his new album... My picture began to clarify.

True swag is not completely able to be defined - but you can recognize it when you see it. It leaves it's own trail.

It's being you - well. Taking your strengths and bench pressing the world with them. Taking your weaknessess, and attempting bench press the world with them. Treating your weakness like a strength in order to strengthen it. And yes, I admit it involves some cockiness. Like "Yeah this is me - and it's pretty darn good!" Being real about yourself. No fakeness. No billyappleness (inside joke - lol). Imitating swag can help you find your own swag - but only if you're looking for it. Imitated swag for it's own sake results in complications with your already active insecurities. Then you'll end up worse off than before. Because you are not being YOU. You are attempting to be somebody else. But they are already themselves, and nobody does themself like themself. Which means you're out of a job. I also learned this, when I realized that as much as I like T.I. - I wasn't and could never be, him. That was a tough nut to swallow, because being me wasn't going to allow me to do the skit properly. So - what then? I couldn't be fake. It needed to be authentic. And maybe it wouldn't have mattered so much had I not felt the need to truly get this swag thing down. I was still insecure about me (and still have residue of that left over) and so as a result I wanted to find my swag and let that come through the skit. I had to - evolve. I was still me, but it was time to elevate above that plateau of existence I'd been resting on. The old me wouldn't cut it. That was fine because I had an identity to embody. Traffik. I was he. He was I. Traffik has no meaning without me. So I began to work on that.

I'm proud to say I discovered some measure of my own swag in time for the dance and Traffik lived and breathed beautifully. ;-)

But after the dance...... Did Traffik die? Did I go back to the old me? I don't think so. Traffik is who I need to be at this point in my life - and I only kept the name so I could differentiate behaviors in my mind. What would I do/say/think? And what would Traffik (the me I needed to grow into) do/say/think? More T.I. To get the feel of swag. This led into Ludicrous (who's got a peculiar swag, but swag nonetheless). And then me observing artists (not necessarily listening to all their music) and people and seeing to had their own swag. Who was comfortable, confident, and bold with themselves, and could be somewhat cocky about it. Traffik's persona developed even more. And now - present day. Through being Traffik, I'm probably more in tune with who I am than I have been in a while. I admit it was somewhat of a relief. Nobody knew Traffik, and thus no real expectations. I was able to develop him and flesh out his lifestyle in relative peace. The hard part was being both people. Similar to T.I.'s album "T.I. vs T.I.P." There was Me. And there was Traffik. Traffik is who I needed to fully be. Me needed to get with the program. Both of 'em are stubborn. However - I crossed that bridge and now I am Traffik. I've found my own style of swag. Now I'm developing and fine tuning it.

This leads me to James Bond. I saw Casino Royale, and Quantum of Solace in the same night. That 007 swag is on a whole 'nother level!! Which is what he's known for (I realized in retrospect). He's bold. Confident. Cocky. But - we didn't really know him, cuz he was so cold. In these last to installments of the 007 franchise, they gave us a window into his character. His swagger is so heavy it's not even funny. He really tried to bench press the world with his weaknesses. And he was real about it.

The quote I heard on Fresh Prince (which turns out to be a quote from Ali, and who knows where he got it from - lol) is this:

"I'm the greatest!!! I'm the king!! And I'm pretty!"

Every person I've observed (and some that I've researched) who I identified as having legitimate swagger pretty much lived by this saying. Even in a short interview with Will Smith, he said that his character Ali kept saying that to himself - even though he didn't believe it. He kept saying it UNTIL he believed it.


"Never mind what haters say/ Ignore 'em 'til they fade away...../"

"You're gonna be/ A shining star. Fancy clothes. Fancy ca-ar/ Then you'll see/ You're gonna go far/ Cuz everyone knows/ Just who you a-are/ So live your life/"

~ T.I. & Rihanna "Live Your Life"

Nature of Love

I've been thinking about this concept of love for a while now (and actually wrote this a couple months back), and God recently gave me something concrete.

The reason we love - the reason it is such a powerful emotion is because it is perhaps the closest we get to God's love. It is a window into the heart of the father. So when you love a woman with all your heart, and she permeates the air you breathe.... Thank God. It is because of Him that you can love her so. Seeing her, and experiencing her is like being in God's presence. And loving her (despite flaws) is you reflecting God's love back at her. Loving her glorifies God, because God is love. Even heathens and nonbelievers can experience the awe inspiring love of God. C.S. Lewis said (in one of his books) that a man will swim across a wide channel of water to be with the woman he loves. Love is that strong. God is love. Because He loves, we love. And when we love the woman, we recognize that we are blessed. God is showing His love for us by treasuring us with this woman who triggers that deepest love inside of us! So by loving her, we wind up loving God even MORE because we recognize a little more the depth and purity of His love for us.

This also keeps us in check, and can help us aid others..... How can we possibly love the Gift more than the Giver? Even Jesus went to lengths to explain this. Repeatedly in the Gospels we hear Him say "Not I, but the Father who sent me." He also tells us that He abides in the Father, and the Father in Him. It's not about the Gift!! The Gift is to be enjoyed (thoroughly) but ultimately lead us back to glorifying the Father.