Up-To-Date

This has been a long time coming...
I've spent a long time running...
Ducking, dodging, and chasing...
Feeling like I'm coming up with nothing...
I've been forgotten and misviewed...
Loved with love misconstrued...
Given the dark side of your attitude...
And under constant assault to let loose, and lose my cool...
And truthfully I've broken...
Sometimes I let out...
Most of my reactions were internal...
But quite a few made a show somehow...
My fam is my fam, and protected by the Lamb...
We claim to seek the I Am but we act like the Klan...
I honestly don't know what to do, when I'm forcefed mouthfuls of rude...
And everything in me is saying to use my tools, and break the rules...
Punch you in your face, and then call you a fool...
But that's not the way, and that deranged violence isn't even me...
But oh how I fantasize, if just for one day, I could act out the insanity portrayed on TV...
I've been gift given, and gift snatched...
So randomly that I wonder if there's a point in asking for it back...
I've cried tears of silence never made visible...
But that means nothing - judging my sorrow by external tears isn't even sensible...
People have given advice, and walked in and out of my life...
Adding, ignoring, or just not noticing...
That all around me is some kind choke inducing strife...
I'm choking on my life, and all of my situations...
Burdened with the charge to go out and take the Gospel to the nation...
It is the great commission, and not the great suggestion...
Which means if I live my life independent of that, then I've lived my life for nothing...
I've been deep in love, and kicked all the way back to the surface...
My passionate love has led me so many times through the furnace, that even I questioned what was the purpose...
How can you fall in love, and love fail?...
That's like a good, law abiding citizen being sentenced, and going to jail...
Or a Bible abiding Christian being falsely accused and sent to hell...
Perhaps that is why I remain in love now...
Love never fails, which means if you're IN love you should never bail...
You need to remain in it like a turtle in a shell, and maybe slow up your pace like the infinitely patient snail...
I've had discussions, and depressions...
Misunderstanding, and hard earned lessons...
With some of my friends I've reconnected...
Hopefully to help me out, next time I'm feeling wretched...
My best friend has left...
And that ripped a hole in my heart...
Why is it that you can never see how close you really are...
Until you are forcefully separated and physically apart?...
My living situation has changed a few times...
Even got me committing minor fence hopping crimes...
I'm struggling to look up...
But my eyes reach horizon level just in time for me to duck...
In my mind I'm like "aw shucks"...
Why MUST my life be as such?...
However there have been positives...
And if I look closely I can see the prerogatives...
I do have a financial seat...
And a car with an accelerator and brakes to press with my feet...
I had the joy and privilege of being in an amazing wedding...
I wore my first tux, saw a first kiss, and was completely blown away by the intimacy of their beautiful, and - heartfelt marriage promises...
I have been with several of my adopted older sisters...
And I'm so grateful to have them around...
It's good to have someone understand you ya know?...
And always know how to be a strong force for you whether left, right, up, or down...
I even got a couple adopted older brothers back...
Man I can't even tell you how I feel about that!...
I wish school was out so we could have more time to chat...
More time to hang, and talk, and bounce ideas off each other like a hand on a fat man's back...
I have been with my birth sisters, and my are they growing...
In fact the older one is now so old that she has (yuck) baby tata's showing...
They're both playing sports, and not yet tryna wear booty shorts...
They stayin' away from them boys, and they love me a bunch which leaves me overjoyed...
My bro is the biz, the shiz, the niz, and a technical wiz...
We are close in our own way, and I can see the day when we'll be very close all the way...
My mom and I are back on those p's and q's...
Loving, bickering, interacting the way we supposed to do...
I love her to death.
My lady is amazing, but for some reason something between us is always breaking...
Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be...
That's what happens in relationship relating...
However we get along, and one day we'll make up a song...
We can fool around, mess around, and just chill in love sometimes without makin a sound...
We can co-operate, elaborate, and are learning what it means to have space...
And I'm very pleased to say, that we're no longer trying to save face, rather we're putting it all out there, like somebody's business on myspace...
I'm involved on my college campus...
A proponent of the Red Revolution...
We're dipping ourselves in His blood and leaving the place stamped with us...
When we're done it's gonna be a JESUS institution...
My own perspective is expanding...
My creativity now headed skyward instead of attempting a landing...
My internal eyes are being refocused on my Lord, and I try to include Him more in planning...
And my spiritual growth is again on the rise - a response to His patient and loving reprimanding...
My fingers fly across the keys and type...
I'm again exposing the hidden sentiment buried in my mind...
I can no longer contain the power or the light within...
For when I do - Satan finds a way to twist it, and turn it into sin...
I've got songs to write, demons to fight, albums to produce, and souls to light...
I've got talents to expose, visible talents to grow, and I need to unleash it and let fall upon the world like snow...
The King is on a mission, and so am I...
His mission is to execute His will in me - and mine is to accept it before I die...
Even as I pursue Him, I am being pursued...
And the Enemy behind - although subtle and shrewed - is ultimately destined, and designed to lose...

So how am I now?...
I feel like a water droplet in a cloud...
Surrounded by so many others with a specific call...
Sharing the same destiny to fall...
To make an impact on the earth...
To be absorbed into the dirt...
For if the dirt does not accept the water...
It will crumble away...
The Master may have to dig a little farther...
But eventually He will expose the dirt ready for the rain...
And after the water has completed its task and fulfilled its purpose over there...
The Sun comes out and evaporates it right back into the atmosphere...
It undergoes changes, and manipulations, and visits several different places...
All the while being prepared to be unleashed upon the next needy dirt, like a smile upon faces...

So that is me...
This is me...
Currently...
Still alive and breathing...
Striving and seeing...
Falling...
Kneeling...
Trying...
Healing...
Receiving...
Giving...
Trusting (I am - really)...
Living...

All because of JC.


And now you are up to date... ;-)